2000's Playlist

(Reach Up For The) Sunrise by Duran Duran
Alejandro by Lady Gaga
All Summer Long by Kid Rock
Apologize by Timbaland and OneRepublic
Back Here by BBMak
Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood
Belief by John Mayer
Black and Gold by Sam Sparro
Brighter than Sunshine by Aqualung
Buildings & Mountains by The Republic Tigers
Bye Bye Bye by N Sync
California by Phantom Planet
Can't Get You Out of My Head by Kylie Minogue
Crazy by Gnarles Barkley
Crazy in Love by Beyonce and Jay-Z
Defying Gravity from Wicked
Electric Feel by MGMT
Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z and Alicia Keys
Faded by SoulDecision
Fallin' by Alicia Keys
For Your Entertainment by Adam Lambert
Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble
Heaven by Los Lonely Boys
I Don't Want to Be by Gavin DeGraw
I Gotta Feeling by Black Eyed Peas
In Da Club by 50 Cent
Irreplaceable by Beyonce
Lesson Learned by Alicia Keys and John Mayer
Lonely No More by Rob Thomas
Lose Yourself by Eminem
Low by Flo Rida
Makes Me Wonder by Maroon 5
Maneater by Nelly Furtado
Me, Myself, and I by Jive Jones
Mercy by Duffy
Pretty Vegas by INXS
Single Ladies by Beyonce
Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow
Somewhere Only We Know by Keane
Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie
Supermassive Black Hole by Muse
Switch by Will Smith
Take a Picture by Filter
The Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani and Akon
Toxic by Britney Spears
We Belong Together by Mariah Carey
We Used to Be Friends by the Dandy Warhols
What Goes Around/ Comes Around by Justin Timberlake
Where is the Love? by Black Eyed Peas & Justin Timberlake

Cruising in the 2000's

In the Past Decade (2000-2009), these have been my favorites:

Best Activity Onboard: Live Music

Best Cruise Director: Michael Mullane

Best Excursion: Altun-Ha Mayan Ruins in Belize

Best Home Port: Miami

Best Itinerary: Eastern Caribbean and Southern Caribbean.

Best Party Onboard: Deck Parties.

Best Port: Grand Cayman

Best Ship:  Carnival Glory

Best Show Onboard: Ticket to Ride

Best Time to Cruise: Christmas

Back in Utah

Yesterday, we checked out of our hotel and went to the Miami International Mall and Chick-Fil-A for lunch. Mom and I flew to Denver, watching Elf on the plane. Our flight was delayed to SLC, so we shared a personal cheese pizza from Pizza Hut for dinner. We had to go from gate 18 to gate 95, and then it got changed to gate 89.

Our plane arrived at the airport at 11:10 pm and we had to take the shuttle bus to the Diamond parking and pick up the car. We didn't get home till 2 AM. Dad got stuck in Atlanta and had to stay in motel overnight. Mom and I went and picked up Dad from the airport at 9:30 this morning.

Debarkation

We ate breakfast and were off the ship by 10 AM. We took the bus to Alamo and got a rental car. We drove up to Ft. Lauderdale and went to the Sawgrass Mills Outlet Mall and ate lunch at the food court.

We checked into the hotel and took a nap. I watched the Wizard of Oz in my room. We went and ate dinner at Subway and got some ice cream at the Carvel next door. We drove around South Beach to see it all lit up at night. When I got back to the hotel, I took a shower. I sat down to the rest of my leftover sub, when the fire alarm in our room started going off. We had to wait in the lobby for fifteen minutes fo the security guy to come reset the alarms in our room. Before going to sleep, I watched the movie The Nativity Story

Last Day at Sea

We ate breakfast and walked through the shops. We came back to the room and watched Monsters vs Aliens and I finished reading A Wrinkle in Time for the second time.

For lunch, they had the chocolate buffet. We went to the Holiday show, where they had the kids from Camp Carnival perform a couple of Christmas songs, as well as the Carnival singers and dancers. For dinner, I had the New England Crab Cake, mango soup, fettucini with chicken in a mushroom sauce, and the Grand Marnier souffle. After dinner, we went and got our suitcases packed.

We went and saw Liar's club and I ordered a non-alcoholic Peach Daiquiri that was very good. We also watched Bingo and the Carnival Legends show.

Grand Cayman

Ate breakfast and had to wait till noon to get on the tender. Took a tour to Hell, Turtle farm, the Tortuga Rum Bakery. When our tour was over, we walked down to the Hard Rock Cafe and through the shops at the port.

We got back on the board and ate lunch at the grille before taking a nap. Tonight was the second formal night, so I wore my new black dress. I had bing cherry soup, a caesar sald, black tiger shrimps, and baked alaska for dinner. Mom wasn't feeling well, so I went back to the room with her after dinner, to read and watch tv.

Isla Roatan

Isla Roatan is 30 miles off the coast of Honduras and the Carnival dock just opened two weeks ago. We ate breakfast and then met our tour bus on the dock. We went on the Jolly Roger Catamaran with Gumbalinda park tour. We went on the catamaran sail first, where Dad snorkeled. We saw and held three monkeys in the park. The monkey that I held kept trying to sit on my head and he tried to steal the gum pack out of my purse pocket.

We got back on board and ate lunch at the grille by the pools. We took a nap till dinner. I hade a fruit plate, a caesar salad, turkey with stuffing, a creme cake with chocolate and raspberry sorbet for dinner. Mom and I went to see a comedian named Carl Strong in the Ebony lounge, while Dad went and saw the Juggling show.

Belize

I woke up early and sat on the balcony, taking photos of the the ships we were anchored with. Mom and Dad were still asleep, so I went upstairs to the lido deck and got some orange juice and it was raining. I thought it was funny how many tender ships came to the ship when we anchored, like they were vultures.

I went and ate breakfast and then we sat on deck 10 deck chairs for a while. Mom and I stayed on board, while Dad went snorkeling at the Barrier Reef. I had peach soup, a caesar salad, farfalle with turkey and peas, and warm chocolate melting cake for dinner. We listed to the music on deck 3 before going to the Just Rock! show in the Amber Palace. It was probably the best show.

Cozumel

I watched Watchmen in the room. We were docked in port with the MS Ryndam. We ate breakfast before getting off the ship and walking through the shops at the port. We took a cab downtown for seven dollars. We walked through the shops across from the beach, including the Hard Rock Cafe, which is the smallest one in the world. We took a cab back to the port and got back on board, eating lunch and then taking a nap.

We sat on the balcony to watch the sailing off. I had penne mariscos as a appetizer, a caesar salad, chicken sicilian style, and warm chocolate melting cake for dinner. After dinner, we walked through the shops and heard our Matre D sing in the lobby. We went to the show in the Amber Palace, and left the show early because the comedy ventriloquist wasn't funny.

First Day at Sea

We woke up and had breakfast at the Red Sail Restaurant. We walked through the photo gallery and the shops. We went to the fun ashore talk with the cruise director Ryan Fitzgerald. We had lunch at the lido deck before taking a nap. We watched Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and New in Town in the room.

It was also the first formal night on the ship. I wore my peach colored dress with black flowers on it. I had strawberry bisque, spaghetti carbonara as an appetizer, prime rib, and warm chocolate melting cake. After dinner we went an saw Livin' In America, the singing and dancing show. Then we heard some terrible singers sing in the karaoke lounge.

Embarkation

We woke up and ate breakfast at the hotel. Then we went to Wal-Mart in Hialeah Gardens and got some stuff to eat on the boat. We drove through South Beach and saw someone had painted on the green fence: "Take off your faces and show us your souls." We took the car back to Alamo and took the bus to the port of Miami terminal.

We got on the Carnival Glory, ate lunch on the lido deck, took a nap, and then went to the muster drill. After the drill, we came back to the room and unpacked while watching My Life in Ruins. We also sat on our balcony and watched Carnival Valor sail away.

Our dining time was at 6 pm in the Golden Palace. I had a tropical fruit plate, a caesar salad, sweet and sour shrimp, and creme brulee. We went to the Amber Palace to wached Game Show Mania and listened to the ship's band. We went and got an ice cream cone from the Lido Deck before going to sleep.

Miami, via Denver

We went to the airport at 6 am this morning. Dad flew Delta while Mom and I flew United. Mom and I go searched in security because there was a chemical called glycerin found on her wheelchair by the screening crew, which is associated with fireworks, gun powder, and lotion.

When we took off in SLC, Water from the vent above dripped all over my shirt. We had a layover in Denver and had to go from gate 18 to gate 80 in the B terminal. We stopped at the TCBY and got some breakfast and got to the gate just as they were boarding. On the plane to Miami, we watched 500 Days of Summer. United only gave us drink, no snacks. If you wanted a box of crackers, it would cost 7 dollars.

After we landed, we went and met Dad at baggage claim. Then we took the shuttle bus over to Alamo. We got into a car in the full size lot which turned out to be a premium car put there by "the new guy," so we had to switch to a different rental car.

We went to Sonny's BBQ, one of our favorite places, for dinner. Mom especially loves their peach cobbler. We are staying at the Homewood Suites near the Miami airport.

Tender is the Night

Tender is the Night (1933) by F. Scott Fitzgerald is about a group of American friends who meet while on a beach in the French Riviera and the story spans for five years after the first meeting. F. Scott Fitzgerald describes the scenery and the nature of France that surrounds the characters such as "the hotel and its bright tan prayer rug of a beach were one" and the train's "breath stirred the dust from the palm leaves" (9 & 21). What really drives the readers to become engrossed with this novel is the interaction between the eccentric characters, especially the love triangle between Rosemary, Dick, and Nicole. The continuous theme of this story is that not everything is what it seems.

Rosemary Hoyt and her mother Elsie Speers are the first characters we meet in this story, when they check into the "rose-colored hotel," which matches Rosemary's outlook of the world (9). Rosemary is an actress who is about to turn eighteen years old. The narrator describes Rosemary as someone who walks like a "ballet dancer," all grand yet delicate (10). She comes off as lonely, spoiled, gullible, and vulnerable girl. Rosemary describes her own self as "simple" and has a "mature distrust of the trivial, facile, and the vulgar (20). She sounds like the typical teenager who believes they are better and smarter than they actually are.

Elsie Speers is the only parental and authority figure Rosemary has had. Elsie has been "twice married and twice widowed," but little is said about how Rosemary interacted with Elsie's two husbands (19). Elsie has spent her inheritances from both her husbands on furthering the education and the acting career of Rosemary (14). Elsie takes Rosemary on a trip to Europe because she wants to give Rosemary something to focus on beside herself (20). Rosemary claims Elsie has "no personal bitterness or resentments about life," even though Elsie comes off as bitter woman (19). Through Rosemary's eyes, Elsie is "perfect" (46). Rosemary describes her mother "as her best friend" (19). People seem flawless in Rosemary's eyes. Rosemary discloses that "her mother decides business matters," basically controlling every decision she makes (32). It's like Rosemary can't think or doesn't know how to act without her mother by her side, monitoring her.

Elsie and Rosemary seem like typical American tourists. When they first enter the lobby, Elsie says to Rosemary, "Something tells me we're not going to like this place" (10). At first, they are expecting "high excitement" but find the Riviera to be dull after months of traveling across Europe (10). They feel a "sudden flatness that comes over American travelers," when they get culture shock, with the French culture not catering to the American tourist way of life (20). Of course Elsie is proven both right and wrong in her statement, because Rosemary meets a group of people on the beach that changes her life for both the better and the worse.

Rosemary wants to leave her mother behind and ventures off on her own. Rosemary notices a group of Americans next to her on the beach and "something made them unlike Americans she had known of late" (13). It's interesting that Rosemary had to go all the way to France to find American friends. The group of friends on the beach consists of several married couples and a few single men. She tries to get their attention by sitting next to them, "lying so, she first heard their voices and felt their feet skirt her body" (12). It seems like this is the first time Rosemary has been allowed to go somewhere on her own, without her mother close by and it excites her.

Rosemary just wants to fit in and she doesn't fit in with these people at first. When they recognize Rosemary as the star of the movie "Daddy's Girl," they mock her, referring to her as a delicate porcelain doll, telling Rosemary her "skin is important," and she shouldn't burn it (14). Rosemary feeling rejected, returns to her beach chair and pouts. Rosemary declares "she did not like these people," because they treated her like a child (14). She tells her mother on them, saying the people on the beach "weren't nice" (20). She is resistant to join the beach group again because of her first impression of them, but she can't seem to avoid them (23).

Rosemary is looking for a father figure. She admits the only men she has known are "actors and directors", so she finds people outside of Hollywood, fascinating (26). Rosemary is taken with the three men on the beach as being "personable in different ways," like she is overwhelmed to be spending time with men older than she is (26). Each of the people seem to have quirky and eccentric personalities. Tommy Barban is "less civilized, skeptical, scoffing" with formal manners (27). Abe North is "shy" with a "desperate humor" (27). Mary North describes her husband Abe as a "good swimmer, rotten musician" (16). It doesn't take long for Rosemary to change her mind about disliking them. She takes a mental picture of her interaction with the group, wanting to remember swimming with them for the rest of her life, as if this is the best thing that has ever happened to her (28).

Rosemary becomes captivated with the people who are nice to her. She tells her mother "I fell in love on the beach. First with a lot of people who looked nice. Then with one man" (19). She is referring to a man named Dick Diver, who has red hair, and is married with two children. Dick comes off as Jay Gatsby in The Great Gatsby, because he is someone who people are enchanted by for mysterious reasons, when Rosemary first meets him. Rosemary describes Dick as seeming to be "kind and charming" (23). She compares him to Barban and North as being "completely there" and "the evolution of class", even though Barban is secretly in love with Nicole and is in the same predicament as Rosemary (27 & 28). She is really infatuated with someone she has just met and hardly knows. Dick tells Rosemary, she looks like "something blooming," a reference to her name and maturity level (29).

Like Rosemary, Dick's wife, Nicole has a superiority complex. She is twenty four years old, and refers to eighteen year old Rosemary as "a child" several times throughout the story. She has remnants of Daisy Buchanan's personality by explicating strange behavior and seeming fake at first. Nicole comes off as an elitist and critical to Rosemary, telling her, "I have felt there were too many people on the beach this summer, our beach that Dick made out of pebble pile," making us think she feels at liberty as an American to have the French Riviera all to herself (28).

Rosemary is afraid of Nicole. Nicole describes herself as a "mean, hard woman" which only seems to be factual on the outside (28). After hearing this, Rosemary decides she doesn't want Nicole as an enemy, despite the fact Rosemary is in love with her husband (28). Rosemary has the nerve to want to seduce Dick, but still be best friends with his wife Nicole, and have everything remain the way it is. When Rosemary tells her mother, "he's married and I like her too- it's just hopeless," Elsie finally gives her some good advice, telling her that love "ought to make you happy. You ought to laugh" (30). It seems silly that Rosemary is involving herself in the drama of a married couple's problems when she could find other friends who are single.

While looking for a father figure, Rosemary also connects with another guy around her own age. She spends time with an actor named Earl Brady. Earl Brady is described as "quick and strenuous" with a cockney accent (31). Brady keeps eyeing Rosemary, "looking her over completely" to let her know he is into her (32). Rosemary feels they clicked and feels foolish for "surrendering" her emotions, "yet she knew she would forget him like an actor kissed in a picture," because he isn't as special as Dick (32). Brady "can't stand" the Hollywood lifestyle, which is why he lives in Europe and he advises Rosemary, that "nobody wants to be thought of forever for just one picture," giving her advice that she should only focus on her career at her young age (32).

The Divers seem like total opposites, but are similar with their disposition. Dick and Nicole decide to have a party for their friends at their rented villa. Dick "wants to give a really bad party" and invites people who Nicole advised him to not to invite, because she saw Mr. Abrams being cruel to his wife (35). Nicole describes her husband's "characteristic moods" as excitement heading toward melancholy. She gives us the impression that both of them are never satisfied. She is also aware that Dick is charming and charismatic, with "the power of arousing a fascinated and uncritical love," which she doesn't seem threatened by (35). Nicole even comments, "To be included in Dick Diver's world for awhile was a remarkable experience," because he makes people feel they're the most important person in the room, and she is glad to be so close to someone like that (35).

Rosemary feels Dick is the perfect man and the only man worth her attention. When Rosemary arrives at the Diver's party, she is surprised to see Earl Brady. She quickly compares Dick to Brady as Brady "seemed faintly gross, ill bred" (37). No man will ever measure up to Dick in her book. Something about the Divers "made her want to stay near them forever" (39). Rosemary seems to want to be Dick's lover as well as the Diver's adopted daughter. She even asks herself, "How could anyone help it?," being fascinated by them as a couple (39).

Rosemary is unable to make up her own mind about her feelings for Dick. She looks to her mother for "permission to go as far as she could" (40). She wants her mother's approval to go after a married man and Elsie absurdly gives Rosemary the go ahead. When Rosemary and Dick are alone, she tells Dick she is falling for him and he replies, "New friends can often have a better time together than old friends," implying that she doesn't know him very well (40). Dick "refuses the fatherly office," because he realizes she needs a father figure instead of a lover, and rejects Rosemary in spite of him wanting her as well (40).

Rosemary feels that she is better for Dick than Nicole. After Dick rejects Rosemary at the party, she goes back inside sizing Nicole up, trying to find the reasoning as to why Dick would rather be with Nicole than with her. She views Nicole as "one of the most beautiful people she has ever known" and describes her as being "still as still" (42). She senses Nicole is going through the motions and is really unhappy, despite the facade of pretending to be happy.

Rosemary is disappointed that both Dick and Nicole disappear upstairs from the party, leaving her with Mr. McKisco telling her his views on Socialism and Barban telling his war stories when he was a soldier (44). Rosemary also describes Mary North as having infectious happiness while having a face "so merry that is impossible not to smile back into the white mirrors of her teeth" (43). We ought to think Rosemary is hanging around with this group of friends only because of the Divers.

Rosemary also gets her first glimpse into the Diver's secrets at this party. Her conversation with the other guests is interrupted by Mrs. Violet McKisco coming outside in a hurry, startled. She starts to tell them what she saw in the upstairs bathroom, going on with Dick and Nicole, which Barban interrupts her, telling her "It's inadvisable to comment on what goes on in this house" (45). Like Rosemary, we are lead to believe that not all is well in the Diver's house and are lead to wonder what Violet could have possibly seen.

Even though she knows the Divers have a secret, all Rosemary thinks about is Dick. When Dick returns from the house, Rosemary decides to try to seduce him again. She tells him she loves him and he tells to her to "go and ask your mother what you want," implying that Rosemary shouldn't want him (47). Rosemary leaves the party with her mother and Brady, wanting to stay with the Divers, and wanting to know what Violet had seen (48).

Rosemary ponders the advice she has been given in the past. She is haunted in her sleep of the events of the party and remembering what her mother said, when she first auditioned for a producer of her film. Elsie gave her bad advice on how she needed to seduce the producer to get the film role: "You were brought up to work- not especially to marry. Now you've found your first nut to crack and it's a good nut- go ahead and put whatever happens down experience. Wound yourself or him- whatever happens it can't spoil you because economically you're a boy, not a girl." (49) Rosemary views this as a "final severance of the umbilical cord," and her mother's advice taught her to think for herself (49). We ought to think of her mother as not a good influence and a bad source for advice about men or work. This is why Rosemary feels she needs other parental figures.

Rosemary cannot let go of her obsession with the Divers and continues to get bad advice from the people surrounding her. She awakens and decides to return to the Diver's house. She finds the party still going on and it seems to be in shambles, with the guests tense. Luis Campion advises her that she doesn't want to know what is going on and tells Rosemary "It's better to be cold and young than to love," sensing her love for Dick (50). She learns a fight broke out over people pressuring Violet to reveal what happened in the bathroom and the others not wanting her to reveal the Diver's secrets. We ought to think Rosemary likes to be involved with dramatic events on screen and off.

Most of the other characters use Rosemary as a confidante for their secrets, simply because she is the newest member of the group. McKisco confides in Rosemary he "never finished" his great American novel and he it makes him "so sore." (55) He tells Rosemary, "You don't like me, but that can't be helped. I'm primarily a literary man"(55). He regrets challenging the other guys to fight, but thinks his wife Violet won't respect him if he walks away (55). He describes Violet as being "very hard when she get advantage over you," and she became bitter after the death of their seven year old daughter (56). Rosemary learns and understands more by listening to their stories.

Rosemary tries to fit in with the girls of the group who have been her toughest critics. Rosemary goes on a shopping trip to Paris with Nicole and Mary North. The narrator reveals to us that Nicole is a granddaughter of a count, Mary is a descendant of President Tyler, and Rosemary herself, is middle class (63). Nicole buys Rosemary clothes and Rosemary is jealous that Nicole makes a date with Dick at four in the afternoon, and seems to be stalling to not want to go. Rosemary asks silently, "Why don't you go? or let me go if you don't to." (66). Rosemary can't figure out why someone like Nicole wouldn't want to spend time with someone like Dick.

By this time, Rosemary is desperate in trying to seduce Dick. She succeeds in capturing his attention by seeming to be mysterious and distant like an imitation of Nicole, and telling him "I don't know, you know everything" when he asks her opinion of something (68). Dick confides in Rosemary that he is a "doctor of medicine" (74). She tells him, "I've decided to give you up," after he kisses for the first time, proving she doesn't know what she wants (76). Dick looks at her as an impressionable pet project, telling Rosemary, "there'd be so much to teach you" (76).

Even though she has Dick's heart, Rosemary still isn't satisfied. Even after Rosemary succeeds in seducing Dick, Rosemary is still jealous of Nicole's beauty and Dick's relationship with her (78). She overhears a group of young women at a hotel that the Divers "give a good show," to which she becomes intrigued as to what the women know and she doesn't (84). She doesn't ask Dick about the rumors, because "they were still in the happier stage of love" (86). Rosemary seems like she wants to stay oblivious to who Dick and Nicole really are.

Although he is also in love with Rosemary, Dick is also in love with Nicole and wants to protect her feelings. Dick tells Rosemary that Nicole mustn't find out about their affair, because he doesn't want Nicole to "suffer" (87). He confides in Rosemary, Nicole is "not very strong- she looks strong but she isn't," hinting to Rosemary that Nicole has a few secrets (88). Rosemary is also having such a great time with Dick, she "doesn't miss her mother at all," because she finally has a male role model (88).

Dick seems torn between Nicole and Rosemary. He ponders his relationships with both of them, while having dinner with Nicole. Dick admits to himself that he has "worked over" several people during his marriage to Nicole, because it amuses him to help and change people's lives (100). He reveals to us readers, "It was a tradition between them that they should never be too tired for anything," in their marriage (109). It is like all the characters in the story are constantly playing charades and never revealing their true selves.

Rosemary figures out that she and Dick are only playing pretend. Rosemary says to Dick, "Oh, we're such actors- you and I," as if they are playing pretend, before coming upon a scene in which Nicole unintentionally divulges her secret and Rosemary discovers what Violet McKisco saw in the bathroom (120). After discovering Nicole's secret, Rosemary leaves Dick, reminding us readers of the way Jane Eyre left Mr. Rochester. Rosemary is taught by these events to not trust the first impressions someone gives her.

Dick has a history with women, that has been repeated a lot. Book two of the novel, flashes back to when Dick met Nicole and his marriage to Nicole after his affair with Rosemary. The narrator divulges how Dick met Nicole, how he became involved in her secret, and how he rejected Nicole's advances at first, just like he did with Rosemary (174). We are left to wonder why women, like Rosemary and Nicole throw themselves at a man like Dick, who appears to be a user and a cheater.

Nicole is clued in to what actually is going on with Dick. During the five years after Rosemary left, another woman sends a letter to Nicole, accusing Dick of kissing her daughter (210). Dick blows it off, commenting to Nicole, that is just a letter from disgruntled patient, to which Nicole replies, reminding him, she herself was his patient when they met (210). It begs the question as whether or not people with certain flaws or disadvantages should settle for less than they would deserve if they were normal.

After the letter is sent, Nicole figures out what a slime ball Dick is. Dick seems to have a track record with hurting Nicole by having affairs, and decides "It's possible that I was the wrong person for Nicole" (240). Dick finally realizes he is responsible for hurting both Nicole and Rosemary. He also says "I guess I'm the black death. I don't seem to bring people happiness anymore," after running into Rosemary and learning she is engaged to someone else (245).

Rosemary still seems to be curious about the Divers after five years of being away from them. She runs into a one of their mutual friends named Kaethe, who also knows Nicole's secret and divulges to Rosemary she thinks Nicole only uses her secret as a way to hold power over Dick (268). Nicole confides in Dick, that she thinks she "ruined" him, by making him keep her secret. Dick is reaching out for something to feel, like Nicole. That is why she blames herself for Dick's actions.

It is the character interactions within this story and trying to figure out the character's secrets that make this novel worth reading. Most of the characters seem lonely and lost, looking for something to make them feel a little bit more real. The moral of this story is to not trust your first impressions when meeting someone, because you may not know what they are hiding.

Works Cited
Fitzgerald, F. Scott. Tender is the Night. New York City: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1933.

Office Desk

Blue Trees

Winter Trees

Trompe l'oeil

Studying

Paradise Lost, Book 4

In book four of Paradise Lost, John Milton writes the story of Eve and Adam in the garden of Eden and how they lost their paradise, which is a result of Satan being thrown out of Heaven, hence the title. After getting kicked out of his paradise, he tries successfully to get Adam and Eve kicked out of theirs.

Milton describes Eden as a "delicious paradise," which anyone thinking about Eden, would think of as a lush garden full of trees, animals, goodness, and the delicious fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. "Our death the Tree of Knowledge grew fast by," is a reference to the fruit Eve and Adam took from the tree and caused the fall of Adam, which caused the first damnation of our species.

In the first couple of pages of book four, Satan declares "The hell within him, for within him Hell" and "Which way I fly is Hell; myself am Hell," meaning that who ever he tries to be, what ever he does, and wherever he goes, hell will follow him and be with him. He knows he can never repent and is eternally damned. He might as well try to bring others, such as Adam and Eve, down to his level.

The Bride

Millet Style

Millet and Bouguereau

William Bouguereau and Jean-Francois Millet were both French painters and they both studied classic subjects, but they had different perspectives and styles. Through their art, Bouguereau seemed to want to look for positive things in life, while Millet wanted to show the dark truths.

William Bouguereau seemed to beautify the human form, while Jean-Francois Millet was more critically acclaimed, because of his concentration on the "honest" depiction of the realistic and hardworking ways of life, making the nature that surrounded the figure the most important part of his work. As artists, Bouguereau was definitely a romanticist, while Millet was a realist.

"Newborn Lamb" by Millet and "Shepherdess" by Bouguereau are similarly themed concepts with each of their own styles thrown into it. Fronia Wissman compares them by writing, "Bouguereau's shepherdess shows how Bouguereau has citified, or, at the least, taken the country out of his version. Millet's peasant does not pose; she has work to do and walks sturdily along."

As an art lover, one can both appreciate Bouguereau's style and work while appreciating Millet's. Whether someone wants to dwell on optimism of life or the harsh reality, they can appreciate and learn from both artist's works for their skill, craft, themes, and the messages they are trying to convey.

Musical Instruments

Elizabeth Tudor and James Stuart

The heroes of past and present are usually celebrities, athletes, comic book characters, community role models, and teachers. A hero can be anyone from a human to an alien like Superman, with a desire to change the world for the better. Heroes are people who others look up to and respect. They are noted as being people who have shown courage in unlikely circumstances, donated their time and money for a good cause, made a difference in someone else's lives, and impacted their community for the greater good.

Queen Elizabeth is a person in the 16th and 17th century who fits the definition of a heroine and who measures up to the heroes of the past and the present, because of the qualities she exemplifies in her actions, speeches, and writings. When comparing Elizabeth to her successor, King James, we ought to think Elizabeth fits the definition of a hero more than he does.

James and Elizabeth overcame childhood tragedies and rose above them. During Elizabeth's childhood, her mother Anne Boleyn was also executed for "adultery and treason," as ordered by Elizabeth's father King Henry VIII (Ruark). During James' childhood, his father was murdered and his mother, Mary, Queen of Scots, was ordered to execution for treason under the reign of Elizabeth.

To any child, the death of a parent would be traumatic, and James and Elizabeth had to grow up faster than other people, dealing with things they shouldn't have had to until they were much older. Even though Elizabeth's father, Henry VIII had taken away her mother when she was a child, Elizabeth took away James's mother in the very same way. We ought to think James was bitter towards Elizabeth because of this fact, but grateful Elizabeth had made James her heir, and it shaped his ruling being much more different than hers.

Elizabeth also had to deal the choices made by her father. Elizabeth was declared illegitimate but remained in the kingdom's hold. King Henry VIII's escapades with his many wives lead to England's "condemnation of the female sex" (Norton 662). Elizabeth would have to fight against sexism during her reign and change the society's mind about women. After her reign, James would lead in society that was less misogynistic because of Elizabeth's legacy.

While James was married and had heirs, Elizabeth sacrificed her own love life and happiness for the good of the country. Elizabeth was impacted deeply by the events of her childhood and she "began to understand how men held the powers in marriages" based on her parent's marriage, which is why she hesitated giving herself over to a man (Prebilic). She address her thoughts on marriage to her critics, in her speech "to Joint Delegation of Lords and Commons, November 5 1566." She told her critics, "I will marry as soon as I can conveniently, unless God take him away with who I mind to marry, or myself, or else some other great let happen." She wanted to make it know if she were to marry and have children, they wouldn't take the place of England in her heart.

Elizabeth thought if she were to marry, she would have to obey her husband and the kingdom would honor her husband's decisions over her own, and she would lose her own true identity and leadership powers. She seemed to waiver between getting married and being "only married to her country" (Norton 687). She argued her critic's " second point was the limitation of the succession of the crown, wherein was nothing said for my safety, but only for themselves," meaning the critics wanted to keep the Tudors in office, instead of the kingdom being lead by another family, because that's what they were used to and secure with. Just because there wasn't a direct heir, didn't mean there were any heirs. Elizabeth knew she would be replaced by one of her many half-sibling's children, such as James.

Elizabeth remained focus on the good of the country and wouldn't let the distraction of a male suitor or having children interrupt the work she was trying to achieve. "The other great that happened" which Elizabeth mentioned in her speech, was in fact Elizabeth's admirable ruling over England all on her own. Heroes live solitary lives and believe in sacrificing their own lives and happy ways of living for someone or something else.

James and Elizabeth were both scholars and both valued the knowledge that comes through having a strong education . Heroes are intelligent and are usually well educated in both book smarts and street smarts. They know how to handle situations with ease and come up with clever ways of outsmarting their enemies. Elizabeth, as a child "was one of the few Englishwomen to benefit from humanist support for the education of females" (Crane). We ought to think Elizabeth tried to pay it forward by becoming a powerful leader and inspiring other females.

"Elizabeth's education provided perhaps the one constant in her early life" and gave her experience and knowledge for which she would later use to benefit herself when ruling England (Crane). Elizabeth could speak five languages, which certainly came as an advantage when she became queen and had to deal with foreign policy (Norton 688). Knowledge is power and it was very useful to both James and Elizabeth.

Elizabeth and James were both writers. Like Elizabeth, James also wrote about his beliefs in God, and was considered "the wisest fool in Christendom" (Weldon). Elizabeth's writing of her poetry, speeches, and letters proved "suffering produced great art" (Ruark). They both wrote about the trials in their own lives and their personal beliefs on how to solve them. Elizabeth was a strong queen and her writings shows us a female writer who was "neither silenced and marginalized nor oppositional" and her writing "shed important light on the cultural meanings of womanhood" (Summit). As a writer and a leader, Elizabeth fought against the oppression of woman, by becoming an example of a strong woman. Elizabeth like Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters, Elizabeth Cary, Aemilla Phillips, and Mary Wroth made vast improvements in the sexist writing society once known as a man's world, and made people think twice about underestimating women.

James and Elizabeth both made decisions during their reigns based on the examples of the rulers who came before them. Elizabeth honored her father, King Henry VIII's legacy and the impact he had on the kingdom in several of her speeches. She wrote "Though I be a woman, yet I have as good a courage, answerable to my place, as ever my father had," (Hibbert 149) showing the kingdom she was influenced by her father and she was her father's daughter. She grew up hearing how much her father wished she was a male heir and it inspired her to show him and the country of England, she could rule just as successfully being a woman. Despite how her father lived and the choices he made, Elizabeth had the best qualities from him and drew from the experiences to remain strong when facing difficulties.

Just because Elizabeth fought for women's rights, didn't mean she believed men were weaker than women. She believed a woman was equal to a man, and vice versa. Elizabeth claimed to the troops of Tilbury that she might have "the body of a weak and feeble woman," she also had "the heart and stomach of a king" (Crane). Elizabeth inspired men to write based on her actions and life, such as Edmund Spenser writing The Faerie Queene, with the Faerie Queene herself being based on Elizabeth.

Elizabeth didn't want men to feel like women were trying to take over. If Elizabeth thought men were weaker than women, she would have named a female successor instead of a male one. Elizabeth had faith that James could lead England as well as she did, otherwise she would have not named him as her heir on her deathbed.

James had a different ruling theory than Elizabeth. Elizabeth's godson John Harrington wrote, "We all loved her for she said she loved us," indicating that Elizabeth wanted to prove her love for her people and she wanted her people to love her in return (Norton 687). James had an huge ego and compared himself to Julius Caesar and King Arthur, two powerful rulers who demanded respect from their subjects (de Lisle). We ought to think James studied Caesar and Arthur and wanted to emulate their ruling stances. While Elizabeth talked about loving her subjects and hoping they loved her, James was all about "fear and subjection "(Norton 1235). We ought to think James should have followed Elizabeth's example and temperament, rather than trying to rule with his own style.

James and Elizabeth both had their critics. Elizabeth was criticized for not being married, being a woman, and being indecisive. When James was made king, the critics of Queen Elizabeth were thrilled, because he was married, had heirs, and they hoped "he would prove more decisive" than Elizabeth (Norton 1235). However, he was most successful through "canny inaction," just like Elizabeth. The decisions James made during his reign proved to the critics that Elizabeth made smart calculated moves even if they didn't believe so at the time.

Elizabeth and James both believed in something bigger than their selves and relied on a higher power to give them strength. Queen Elizabeth and King James both believed they got their power from God, which they both used for self-fashioning (Norton 1235). While King James used God's power to make his subjects fear him, Elizabeth used God's power as a way to let her subjects know she was the vessel of God. Elizabeth put her trust in God. She prayed to him in the tower of London, telling God he was the only one she could confine in and asked him to "suffer me not (I beseech thee) to build my foundation upon the sands, but open the rock, whereby all blasts of blustering weather may have no power against me, amen" (Ruark). We ought to think the prayer meant Elizabeth wanted God to make her a invincible leader and come off as strong force or moral compass for England.

Elizabeth based her decisions on God's power such as marriage, foreign policy, Mary's execution, and other threats to her leadership (Crane). Elizabeth was grateful to God for giving her the privilege of becoming queen and hoped to show her gratitude by being a great queen, by using the power she had to do good (Norton 701). Heroes need to have a clear set of values and morals, but also have to be able to see the grey ambivalence which exists in dark times.

James and Elizabeth were guides for their kingdom in times of peril. Heroes have to stay strong for themselves and the people they are fighting for. They have to know what they are doing, have conviction, and not waiver. Elizabeth and James treated their subjects in different ways. While Elizabeth was "charismatic" and accessible to the people, James showed little of his personality to his subjects (Norton 1236). She was open and approachable and took the time to communicate with her subjects, while he believed himself to be better than his subjects and didn't rely on their input. While Elizabeth had to earn her subject's respect with her actions and words, James thought he deserved "deferential awe," without working for it (Norton 1236). Either way or style they ruled, they needed to be a constant strength for people of their kingdom.

Elizabeth and James both exemplified determination to achieve peace. Heroes know when to pick their battles and when to make important moves. They use the powers they have for good and are peacemakers in times of adversity. As rulers, they both had their successes and failures. While James was successful in ending the Anglo–Spanish War, Elizabeth lead England for thirty years with "maintaining peace at home and abroad" (Crane).

James and Elizabeth both dealt well with foreign policy. Elizabeth was "in contrast to male predecessors she sought to avoid foreign wars" (Crane). If war was the only option, she would defend her country and people at all costs. "Her greatest triumph in warding off danger was the defeat of the Spanish Armada in 1588" (Crane). We ought to think Elizabeth fought to win and made sure her enemies knew she meant business. James and Elizabeth, like other heroes needs to show their enemies they take war very seriously.

James and Elizabeth believed in being cautious. Heroes are cautious in times of uncertainty, such as war. Elizabeth was determined to create peace within her country and to find a middle ground between "the radical Catholics and the extremist Puritans" (Thomas 88). Both James and Elizabeth agonized over this issue, knew the fighting between two religions would be an losing battle, and hoped it would clear up on its own. James was determined to "unify" Scotland and England "as a single nation," but failed to do so (Norton 1236). They were both determined to do something, saw it was going to be too hard, and backed off.

James and Elizabeth had different opinions on running England's economy. While Elizabeth was thrifty with her spending and took the advise of her advisors, James was reckless with his funds. During James' reign, England had financial difficulties, because his court was "disorderly and wasteful," mainly because he did not agree with Parliament (Norton 1237). He felt as being king, he didn't need anyone telling him how to rule. If the critics thought Elizabeth was making poor decisions, then James must have been a bigger disappointment.

Elizabeth and James weren't afraid to die. Heroes are martyrs and not afraid of death brings, because they will live on, in one way or another. Elizabeth wrote, "And for you sakes it is that I desire to live, to keep you from worse. For as for me, I assure you I find no great cause I should be fond to live; I take no pleasure in it that I should much wish it, nor conceive such terror in death that I should greatly fear it" (Roark).

Heroes like Elizabeth and James never give up. After ruling England for 30 years like Elizabeth and 22 years like James while trying to balance everything and maintaining peace, it would be hard not be to able to hand over the reign to someone else and give up. They weren't able to give up and they had to remain strong for their country for all those years. Through her writings, "Elizabeth turns the value of male heroism around: Dying is easy, living is hard" (Ruark). We ought to thinking that it is the living and fighting for England every day that is hard to a ruler, death should look like a vacation in the eyes of Elizabeth and James.

James and Elizabeth leave a long legacy of inspiration and example, through their writings and histories. Heroes will live on after their physical death, through their stories of their lives, good and bad deeds, and examples of their souls, because parents will use their experiences as a teaching tool for raising their children. While James is known best in today's society for his name dedication of the King James version of the Holy Bible. If we study the thoughts Elizabeth left in her letters and speeches, we should read them as a testimony of her soul and the imprint she left on the world. That way her legacy lives on and goes on to next generation of women and others who could use an example.

When comparing Elizabeth to James, they both had their strengths and flaws. They both made decisions changing and securing England for the future. If we had to pick who was more of a hero out of the two, we should pick Queen Elizabeth, because she had to fight harder on every level. Queen Elizabeth I had all the best qualities of the past and present heroes or heroines. Elizabeth was one of the greatest queens England has ever had, because she sacrificed her own life to make good decisions for her kingdom, because she loved England, and she is the type of ruler any kingdom needs.

Works Cited
Crane, Mary Thomas. "Elizabeth I." Sixteenth-Century British Non-dramatic Writers: Second Series. Ed. David A. Richardson. Dictionary of Literary Biography Vol. 136. Detroit: Gale Research, 1994. Literature Resource Center. Gale. UALC Weber State University. 24 Oct. 2009 .
de Lisle, Leanda. After Elizabeth: The Rise of James of Scotland and the Struggle for the Throne of England. Ballantine Books 2007
Hibbert, Christopher. The Virgin Queen: Elizabeth I, Genius Of The Golden Age. Da Capo Press 1992
Knowles, Sarah. "Elizabeth." Film & History. 33.2 (July 2003): p78. Literature Resource Center. Gale. UALC Weber State University. 24 Oct. 2009 .
The Norton Anthology of English Literature, Volume B: The Sixteenth Century/The Early Seventeenth Century. Ed. Stephen Greenblatt. W.W. Norton & Co.; 8th edition 2005
Prebilic, Michelle. "Critical Essay on Elizabeth the Great." Nonfiction Classics for Students: Presenting Analysis, Context, and Criticism on Nonfiction Works. Ed. David M. Galens, Jennifer Smith, and Elizabeth Thomason. Detroit: Gale, 2002. Literature Resource Center. Gale. UALC Weber State University. 24 Oct. 2009 .
Ruark, Jennifer K. "Good Queen Bess, Powerful Sovereign and an Author, Too." Chronicle of Higher Education. 47.4 (22 Sept. 2000): A24-A26. Rpt. in Literature Criticism from 1400 to 1800. Ed. Thomas J. Schoenberg and Lawrence J. Trudeau. Vol. 118. Detroit: Gale, 2005. A24-A26. Literature Resource Center. Gale. UALC Weber State University. 23 Oct. 2009 .
Summit, Jennifer. "'The Arte of a Ladies Penne': Elizabeth I and the Poetics of Queenship." English Literary Renaissance. 26.3 (Autumn 1996): 395-422. Rpt. in Literature Criticism from 1400 to 1800. Ed. Thomas J. Schoenberg and Lawrence J. Trudeau. Vol. 118. Detroit: Gale, 2005. 395-422. Literature Resource Center. Gale. UALC Weber State University. 23 Oct. 2009 .
Thomas, Jane Resh. Behind the Mask: The Life of Queen Elizabeth. Clarion Books 1998
Weldon, Anthony. The Court And Character Of King James. Kessinger Publishing 1817

The Windows

In George Herbert's poem, "The Windows," the narrator asks many questions about God's action. Herbert wonders how any man can "preach the eternal word" when "he is a brittle crazy glass." He wonders how can men teach the word of God, when they are destructive of their own righteousness.

Herbert wonders why God would let imperfect beings teach and enter into his temples. The temple is "a window through thy grace," which is symbolic of what God wants to reveal to us mere mortals. If God shines his light onto us, he will make the knowledge of him "shine within" us. Herbert wonders if through church God's light "reverend grows" or if it goes bleak and thin." He wonders if a person has to go to a church or temple to feel God or can they be spiritual on their own.

"Doctrine and life, colors and lights, in one" is Herbert's way of saying, people can live with the doctrine of God, as well as have their own truth about the world. It's like the religious saying, "Be in the world, but not of the world."

When Herbert writes, " . . .but speech alone doth vanish like a flaring thing," he is wondering if people can truly remain faithful through hearing others speak of God's truth. He believes people need to discover the truth on their own, and have evidence for themselves. "And in the ear, not conscience, ring" is a reference to the narrator wanting God to speak to him and other people directly, so they will have proof and know if God really exists or not.

Heaven, Fashion, and the Future

For American Lit, I am still reading O Pioneers by Willa Cather. I also read Cather's "Neighbor Rosicky," Robert Frost's "In Neglect," Langston Hughes's "The Negro Speaks of Rivers," Hughes's "I Too," and Hughes's "Mulatto."

For British Lit, I read Lanyer, Wroth, Herbert, Crashaw, and Bacon.

For Espanol, we are learning weather terms, months, present progressives, and seasons in Spanish.

For Drawing, I had to draw what I though heaven would be like. I drew a picture I had of Maui with a whale, a beach, and trees. I also had to draw a fashion illustration.

I registered for Spring semester this morning. I am taking Design 2D, Biographical Writing, First Year Spanish II, and American Civilizations.

Fashion Illustration

Lying Down

Heaven

Male and Female Models

O Pioneers!

I first read My Antonia by Willa Cather before I was scheduled to read O Pioneers! This romantic and mythic novel deals with the immigration of Swedes to Nebraska, Cather's home state. Most of her writing themes were cause/effect, English common law, Christianity, and democracy of property. Her protagonist, Alexandra can be viewed as an Amazon goddess.

The characters talk about ideas and belief such as Druidism (Nature worship). This novel deals with the concepts of "Seeing the elephant," which means pioneers going bust on the frontier and having to return to their native land, and "Rain follows the plough." What I found fascinating was the tragic Emil and Marie love story.

How Roses Came Red

Robert Herrick is a poet with very graphic images and metaphors of sexuality in his poetry. In his poem "How Roses Came Red," Herrick uses the roses as symbols for women and souls in general. "The roses at first were white," meaning they were pure, virtuous, and had virginity.

The color white is used as a symbol for virtue, goodness, godliness, and light. The roses lost their virginity and sense of virtue and became more worldly. There is also "till they could not agree or they more white should be," which could be a reference to clashing churches deciding if the roses in their congregation are more good than the other bushes.

After the roses were pure anymore, they "first came red." Red roses are also a symbol for love and red is also the color of blood, making love and pain the same color. They have lost their innocence. Whenever there is a reference to roses becoming red, it reminds me of the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland, catching her card soldiers painting her roses red and ordering "Off with their heads." Parents would probably order the same execution if they caught someone being a bad influence and contaminating their white young roses.

Railroad Tracks

Male Model on a Wooden Chair

Organic vs Inorganic

Model with Candles

Cannery Row

John Steinbeck's Cannery Row is a comedy about the American Dream. Steinbeck uses a picaresque narrative with old, old storytelling. "Our father who art in nature" is a significant quote from the story. The character of Henri the Painter is used as a way for Steinbeck to make fun of modern art. The characters have a reverse work ethic. I found the part when Doc orders a beer milk shake and the excuses he comes up with for ordering one hilarious.

Benjamin Franklin, Models, and Rough Drafts

For American Literature, I finished reading Cannery Row by John Steinbeck, some Frost poems, and a Eudora Welty story. We talked a lot about Benjamin Franklin and the American Dream in class.

For British Literature, I had to read Love Melancholy and Hobbes. I also had to write a rough draft for my ten page paper on Queen Elizabeth I.

For drawing, we had two students from the class pose for us while we drew them with charcoals and pencils in class. I also had to draw a raven with a pumpkin.

For espanol, we learned the terms for household items and daily routines.

Velvet Dress

Model in a Chair

Raven & Pumpkin

Steinbeck, British Plays, and Pointilism

For American Literature, I read Cannery Row by John Steinbeck.

For art, I had to draw my lipgloss bottle using ink and only drawing dots. A fellow student in the class posed for us with his guitar on Thursday and we had to draw him.

For British Literature, I read the plays: The Duchess of Malfi by Webster and Volpone by Ben Jonson.

For Spanish, I had to memorize the days of the week and clothes I wear to church, the beach, and to school.

Volpone

In Ben Jonson's comedy Volpone, he writes in the prologue, "Here is rhyme not empty of reason. in all his poems still hath been measure, to mix profit with your pleasure," which goes along with The Defense of Poesy and could sum of the life and work of every poet. They write for their voices to be heard, to leave a legacy and make an impact on the world, to sometimes make a fortune, and "to teach and delight."

This comedy is about greedy people and how low they will go to be the benefactor of Volpone's fortune, hoping he will die at the hands of his illness sooner rather than later. They bring him gifts, including a married woman named Celia to tempt him into signing over his fortune. Volpone is onto their schemes and describes this encounter as "The vulture's gone, and the old raven's come."

There are a lot of references to Greek and the Romans. Mosca says "Let's die like Romans, Since we have lived like Grecians." Volpone says, "But angry Cupid, bolting from her eyes, Hath shot himself into me like a flame," about his lust for Corvino's wife Celia. Corvino and Mosca send her into to entice Volpone, using her female persuasion, while Mosca places Bonaro to watch from the background. Celia would rather "take down poison" than be dragged into their schemes. When Volpone tries to rape Celia, Bonaro jumps out and says "Lady, let's quit the place. It is the den of villainy." It certainly seems that way.

Guitar Model

Lipgloss

Scotland

The Great Gatsby

I first read F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, when I was in high school and got the opportunity to read it again for my American Lit: Modern class. Nick Carroway describes himself as open an uncritical to experiences. Tom is viewed as a brute and Daisy is viewed as complicated, wearing a happy face with grief behind it. Fitzgerald makes notes of a green light hanging from Daisy's dock. Gatsby is an "American Adam," with the chance to start life all over again. Gatsby keeps a schedule similar to the one in Benjamin Franklin's biography. Gatsby believes in the American dream and dreams of possessing everything. Nick Carroway tells us that Gatsby turned all right in the end.

Fall Break, Midterms, and The Great Gatsby

For American Lit, I read The Great Gatsby, and poems by Frost and Jeffers.

For Art, I had to draw a teddy bear in color pastel and draw something from one of my heritages. I chose Scottish because of my Grandma Wayment.

For British Lit, I took my midterm exam which included 2 essays, 15 matching, and 10 lines where I had to name the title of the poem and author. It was brutal. I also read a play by Elizabeth Cary and the history of King James and King Charles.

For Espanol, I had to memorize sentences with breakers, the names for clothes, and numbers 10- 1,000,000.



On Monday night, my parents and I went and saw Couples Retreat. It was alright. It was kind of dirty.



Yesterday was fall break, which I was grateful for. I spent the morning shopping with Mom and going out to lunch.

Member of the Wedding

Carson McCullers's The Member of the Wedding (1946) is about a dysfunctional family in a small Southern town awaiting the wedding day of the oldest son after a long summer, the days leading up to it, and the fall season after it. The protagonist and sometimes antagonist to herself, is a twelve year old girl named Frankie Addams who has "Anywhere But Here" fever, believes the grass is greener on the other side of her town and surroundings, and is determined to break out of the glass box she feels she is confined to. Frankie is a complex character with real emotions, who any reader of the novel can relate to in one way or another.

Frankie has problems with discovering her true self and establishing her identity. "The reflection in the glass was warped and crooked, but Frankie knew what she looked like" (2). She doesn't like the way she looks and she believes that if she was shorter, her legs were smaller, her hair longer, and her shoulders wider, she would be truly happy (2). She is afraid of the dark and decides she will "not let things make her sad and she would not care" (24). She feels her "heart is divided like two wings" (42).

Frankie is lonely, because her best friend Evelyn has moved away, her father is always working at his jewelry store, and her foster brother Honey only appears briefly (23). Her only confidantes are her cook, Berenice and her six year old cousin, John Henry. "The three of them sat at the kitchen table, saying the same things over and over, so that by August the words began to rhyme with each other and sound strange" (1). She gets tired of talking to and having to entertain John Henry, but she won't let him leave when he wants to, for fear of not having anyone else to talk to (7). If her mother had survived giving birth to her, Frankie would have adapted better to her surroundings much better, because she could ask her mom for advice about how she dealt with being a teenage girl.

Frankie is desperate for attention, even mailing her older brother candy while he was in Alaska, just for the chance that he will write her a thank-you note (5). Frankie is jealous that her older brother is getting married and is able to leave their small town while she is stuck there (2). She believes her brother and his betrothed "have a good time every minute of every day" (3). She wants to run away with them and not "return after the wedding" (5). Berenice tells Frankie, "You're going crazy. That's where you going" (34).

Frankie lives in what she feels, is the most boring town on the planet and she believes "The world seem to die each afternoon and nothing moved any longer" (1). She starts getting anxiety and claustrophobia, and tells Berenice and John Henry "the world is certainly a (small) sudden place"(4). She points out "The irony of fate," because the butterflies want to be near her windows on her house, instead of "flying anywhere" (11-12). She doesn't see any value in her own surroundings. She wishes she "could tear down the whole town" (23).

Frankie needs an adventure. She talks of going to exotic places and having new experiences, she wouldn't have if she stayed in her hometown (21). She is jealous that John Henry has seen snow, when she hasn't (7). She once saw a freak show at the fair and feels like she could fit in with that group (17). Like many kids her age, her boredom leads her to look for entertainment and excitement. She tries shoplifting, shooting guns at still objects, and a fascination with holding, throwing, and thinking of mutilating her feet with sharp kitchen knives (23-26). She recognizes that there is a restless "feeling in her" (38). When she gets that feeling, she hits "herself on the head with her fist" (41).

Frankie doesn't like her name. She is "sick and tired of being Frankie" (20). She changes her name to F. Jasmine, to be like her brother Jarvis and his bride Janice (15). She was mad at her father all summer, because he wouldn't let her share his bed anymore when she got scared at night, but now with her new personality and name, she is not mad at him anymore (46-47). Berenice tries to tell her the importance of having a good reputation based on her name, but she refuses to listen, and thinks everything associated with her name is meaningless (108).

F. Jasmine does things the old Frankie would never do, like hanging out and drinking beer at an adult bar called the Blue Moon and talking to men who are way older than she is, even making a date with one soldier (64-66). She insists that she isn't pretending and she "wanted only to be recognized for her true self" (56). She even imagines what people will say when they see her doing something in her new life (60).

Like her old self, F. Jasmine has severe emotional problems. She is overly dramatic, emotionally unstable, and obsessed with the wedding. F. Jasmine claims to be not afraid of dark anymore and she threatens to kill herself if the escape at the wedding doesn't go exactly as she plans (75). When Uncle Charles dies the day before the wedding, she worries about how his death will affect the wedding (71).
F. Jasmine seems fascinated with other people's lives while on the verge of destroying her own. She wants to know "everybody in the world," (110), probably to get their stories and pass them off as a part of her new identity. She wants her freedom and thinks if she has nothing to worry about, she will be free. Berenice tries to let her know that "We go around trying one thing or another, but we caught anyhow" (114). When she later tries to run away, she writes, "Please Papa don't try to capture me," (141) in her note.

Ultimately, when anyone's life doesn't go the way they plan or they get let down in some way, they feel a certain degree of hopelessness and depression. When it happens to F. Jasmine, she again adopts a new personality in which she calls Frances, which is probably is her given name at birth. This personality is very bitter, wanting "the whole world to die" (135) and "hates everyone and wants only to spite and shame" (136).

Frances pushes away all the people she cares about and tells them "All I wish in the world is for no human being ever to speak to me so long as I live" (140). I'm sure that many teenagers have utter that exact phrase to their parents somewhere in the world, after such an event. Berenice assures Frances she will overcome her despair, find new friends, keep her dreams until the right time, and move on with her life (140), like everyone else in the world.

Whether her name is Frankie, F. Jasmine, or Frances, she is still a relatable character for people who have gone through the troubled teenaged years and have survived. Carson McCullers writes the development of the protagonist's personality in this book as realistic. The tone of the town and the main characters are set like people who could be living in the same town and having some of the similar experiences as John Singer and Mick Kelly in The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. In this novel, McCullers gives us more stream of consciousness and we are able to tell more of what the character is feeling on the inside and how her brain breaks down, making Frankie more relatable.

Source
McCullers, Carson. The Member of the Wedding. Houghton Mifflin: Boston. 1946.