Headphones

Rhythm's got a crush on you.
My rhythm's won't let you ever go low.
If you can't play me, you're in danger.
Why won't my beat let you say no?

Yeah...Keep my volume going strong.
Yeah...Loving music isn't wrong.
Yeah... Keep your headphones out of sight.
Try to resist me with all your might.
Go ahead, listen with all your lust,
And who really cares if you want to sing on the bus?

Bridge

Feel the pumping through your ear lobes.
Rhythm's eager to dance.
My lyrics are itching to be scratched,
And can you ever hold the silence?

Bridge

(Try to resist me with all your might)
Go ahead, listen with all your lust,
And who really cares if you want to sing on the bus?
(Sing on the bus)

Don't use your headphones.
Don't use your headphones.
Don't use your headphones.
Don't use your headphones on me.

Bridge

Chorus

*** Synopsis: This song is about music tempting someone to play it loud and not use their headphones, from the music's perspective.


Monograph
I made several changes based on the two critiques I received, which were very helpful. I like receiving advice in order to make my lyrics stronger and more understandable. To my song, Headphones, I added proper punctuation, corrected the spelling errors, and tried to make my lines more understandable and more to the point I was trying to get across. I tried to make the song more from the music's perspective by adding me and my to some of the lines, so it would have a clear message about the headphones.

I added "low" to "Rhythm's won't let you ever go," to make a rhyme in a sentence. I added the line, "Try to resist me with all your might" to the bridge, to rhyme with "out of sight," as a way of adding more perspective from the music. I changed "sing on the side" and "want to sing on the side" to "sing on the bus," because I hear a lot of people singing on the bus along with their iPods or laptops, which was my inspiration for this song.

I changed "your might" to "lust" to rhyme with "bus," further emphasizing my point. I changed "You feel the pumping through your ear lobes" to "Feel the pumping through your ear lobes," based on your suggestion. I changed "got you grasping breaths" to "eager to dance" to rhyme with "silence." I changed the last line in the chorus from " Don't use your headphones" to "Don't use your headphones on me," to add more emphasis.